Something woke me up the morning of July 28th at about 3:15am. It didn’t take me long to realize what it had been: a contraction. Not the Braxton Hicks I had become accustom to. This was painful!
I got up out of bed and walked around the house a little trying not to wake up Zach or our pets. I was hoping the contractions would stop or slow down, but then there was another and another. They seemed closer together than I would have expected in early labor, so I started timing them.
I was also expected them to feel like period cramps in early labor, which was what everyone had told me, and what I learned in birthing class. But no, these were painful and about 6 minutes apart. Walking around the house didn’t seem to slow them down. Nor did they stop, which was what I had really been hoping for. So I texted my birth photographer and my doula around 4am. I said “Hey, this might be labor, but I’m going to take a shower and see if this slows down or stops- I just wanted to give you a heads up without waking you up”.
The shower didn’t slow anything down. I had my phone in the shower with me still timing the contractions. I wanted so badly to go back to sleep after having worked a 10 hour day, and only sleeping for 4 hours. But I was so uncomfortable in every position other than standing. When I got out of the shower around 4:15 my husband Zach was waking up to get ready for work. I looked at him and said “I hate it when you’re right- you’re not going to work today.”
Five months previous, Zach had predicted Vivian would be born on July 28th, even though her due date was August 3rd. So here we were starting labor matching his prediction.
My birth photographer Angelique ended up being the first person to text me back around 4:55. We talked a little bit about what was happening and she decided “Yes, you are in labor!” Unfortunately it turned out that Zach needed to go into work for at least an hour that morning, but not knowing how fast this was going to go, I didn’t want to be alone.
Grabbing my phone I texted my mom and said “Could you maybe not go to work today?” She immediately called me and asked if I was okay. I told her what was going on and she said she would be right over. As soon as I hung up, Hannah, my doula texted me and asked if I needed her to come over. I told her how I was fairing, and that, yes, I would love if she would come.
While waiting for my mom and Hannah, Zach and I set up the fold-out couch in the den with a plastic shower curtain and old sheets. We also double checked that all the things we might need were in the plastic tote by the fireplace, and the instructions for anything that could go wrong were in the binder I had made: like how to deliver a baby if the midwife didn’t make it in time.
My mother got there around 5:30am, and Zach left for work. She helped me by cleaning things around my house that I wanted to clean before anyone came over. I was so frustrated. The day before had been my last day at work, and I thought I would have another week or so to accomplish everything I still needed to do before the baby was born. Everyone was telling me first time babies usually come late. I was only 39 weeks and one day. My baby and body clearly didn’t feel like sticking to statistics.
Hannah got to my house around 6:15 and sat with me through some contractions, observing and coming up with things to try to see what was most comfortable for me. I was her first home birth, and I was excited to be her guinea pig in that aspect. We soon realized that pressing on my hips from the back to open up the front of my pelvis was the biggest pain reliever for me. After trying to sit on the exercise ball and bounce a little through labor, the only position that was still the most comfortable was standing. I felt terrible that Hannah had gotten up so early. I felt bad not knowing how fast/slow this baby would be, or whether I was in labor to be able to know when I really needed Hannah at my house. I just didn’t want to keep her with me if it wasn’t unnecessary. Zach finally got home around 7:30 and sat with Hannah and me, while my mom went to run some errands before coming back to keep my dogs entertained in the back yard.
Contractions weren’t what I thought they would be. Watching the timer I knew if I could just breathe through to 30 seconds then the pain would start to go down and disappear by 60 seconds. In between contractions we were laughing and talking and walking around. When I could feel a contraction coming I would stand leaning over a little round table I had in the room. I would put my hands on either side of the table and Hannah would put her hands on my hips to press through each contraction. I was staying as silent as possible, breathing, trying to relax as each contraction climbed. Also visualizing my cervix opening while coming down from each contraction helped relax every muscle. Hannah kept Angelique and Jennifer, my midwife, up to date on how things were progressing. I was a bit hard to read since I was keeping quiet during contractions and up beat in between.
My midwife decided to send one of the student midwives to come and set up the pool and to watch and decide if it was time for her to come and get ready for this baby. I was impatient for the pool to be set up because I was hoping it would relieve more of the pain. My doula, Zach and I were laughing and enjoying our time together in between the contractions which were now about 3 minutes apart. I wasn’t able to eat or drink anything in between contractions like I needed to. I became sick and threw up twice after trying to drink some juice. By this time I was too nervous to do anything other than worry.
In between one contraction I looked at the floor and realized one of my cats had thrown up and I ran to clean it all up. Hannah followed behind saying “What are you doing? Don’t worry about that now, you’re in labor.” But I was mortified that it was on the floor, and the thought of someone stepping in it was stressing me out. I think I was stressing Hannah out. I wasn’t acting like someone in active labor, and she wasn’t sure how far along she thought I might be. I think because I was so quiet through my contractions I wasn’t giving much away about how I was progressing.
When my midwife got to my house around 1:30 and observed me for a while she asked if she could check me- just to determine if I was dilated enough for them to stay or leave and conserve their energy if I would be laboring into the next day. I think she was surprised when she checked me because she said “you’re either going to be at a 2 or your handling this really well and you’re at like an 8.” I was at 8cm and I was so relieved! I thought “Gosh, if I’m only at a 2cm how am I ever going to get through this!” Vivian’s head was almost in position but not quite. So to help with that I had to become a rotisserie chicken: two contractions on my left side, two on my back, two on my right, and two on all fours. When her head began to move into position I was shocked that my rotating had actually worked! But any contraction I had that wasn’t me standing up was extremely painful. I just couldn’t get comfortable without standing up.
The student midwives and Zachary finally had the pool all set up so I decided to get in hoping for a pain relief from the warm water. I labored on my knees with my chest and arms over the side of the pool for maybe 20 minutes. Realizing that this position was more painful than anything I had felt before, and my contractions were also slowing down I chose to exit the pool and try the reverse toilet position. That did not help relieve any pain either.
Eventually I made it back to the fold out bed in the den and did one more round of rotisserie chicken. Soon I was on the bed on all fours working through a contraction when the pushing came. I panicked. “Am I allowed to push now?!” I asked Jennifer, my midwife, knowing a few hours ago she said not to push yet, but I didn’t think I had the capability to stop my body pushing because it really wanted to! Having been told I can push if I feel like it, I quickly assessed how I was feeling and decided I wouldn’t be giving birth in the pool, and I didn’t think I could do it on all fours so I got up and stood. Holding on to Zach, I had the next contraction and my water broke at the same time that my birth photographer accidentally stepped on the Roomba and set it off. I was apologizing and my birth group was laughing and enjoying the moment saying, “Only Katie would be apologizing for her water breaking!”
Someone got Zach a chair because he was shaking trying to hold me up during the contractions, and I put my arms around his neck and shoulders while I rested my head on his left shoulder. The next contraction came and Vivian began to come down. These last few contractions I got vocal. Zach thought it was from the pain but it was from the effort it took to push. With another contraction the top of her head was visible. With the fifth, her head was out and she began crying. All I remember hearing was, “Oh wow, I’ve never seen a baby cry with only their head out before!” And I PANICKED! I thought, “Oh no! Something must be wrong with her, I can’t wait for another contraction for her to rotate and the rest of her to come out!” So I pushed with all I had and out she came. But she tore me with her shoulder on the inside as she came because I didn’t allow her to rotate. 6 pushes, 11 minutes, and at 5:01pm my baby was out!
And the worst part, I was so relieved that I forgot about her! Jennifer caught Vivian as she fell, and was awkwardly holding on her down in between my legs. When I picked up Vivian I was so awkward, I had NO idea how to hold a squishy vernix covered baby! But when I reached down and was standing up straight again, I looked out through my kitchen to the back door window and saw that my mom was there. I had no clue she had stayed, and I asked for someone to go get her. As she walked in I said, “Mom I did it standing up!” I’m not sure if she knew what to make of me standing there holding Vivian in my arms with her umbilical cord still connecting us and my husband crying in a chair in front of me. We were all happy and laughing and crying for a few minutes until someone asked if I would like to sit down. As I went to move I said “Oh there’s more…” The placenta was about to fall out, and Makayla rushed to get the bowl to catch it.
The rest of the evening’s events went by in a blur. I was 100% too high on adrenaline to focus on much of anything. I remember sitting back on the bed after my placenta came out and holding Vivian, then forgetting to hold her head up and making her cry when her head fell backwards. I’m just thinking, “Man, are we sure I should be a mom?!”
Zach got to cut her cord with the help of Jennifer. Then we just lied back on the bed snuggled in a blanket while both our fathers came to visit. Then I learned how to breastfeed, and Zach’s mom came with Chick-Fil-A. I had to learn how to pee after giving birth, and discovered I had a second degree tear from Vivian’s shoulder. Bethany came to stitch me up, and Kirsten got me to my shower and changed my bed sheets. I remember climbing into bed with Vivian in my arms while Kirsten went over the aftercare sheet with me. Then everyone was gone. It was just the three of us alone. We’ve always been alone just the three of us but she was never on the outside before. We had a good sleep that night and woke up happy the next day.
-Vivian, March 2023
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